Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
