How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize