It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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