i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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