All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
