Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize