Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
