You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Drunk walkin through police station. America
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
