i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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