We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize