Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
