you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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