I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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