He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
