my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have already put on my inside pants.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
