You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
