Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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