I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
