I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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