btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
50% drunk capacity currently
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
