Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
