Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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