Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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