I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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