..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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