Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
