Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
