My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
