I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
