why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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