and she was petting her beer can
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
