Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
