Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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