You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dicks are not precious.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
