And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
