I want to have your abortion
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
