are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
