Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I love you.
Bad choice
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
