somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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