did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
