At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
