we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
