i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize