If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
