I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
