i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
