Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
