Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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