she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I currently don't understand fingers.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
