so explain again why im purple
no
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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