Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
