I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
