my phone needs a breathalizer
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
