Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
