I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
