i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
