dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
