I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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