just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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