Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
