her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
