I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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