ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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