My pussy is not your playground.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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