I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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